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Wasting time creating the perefect love...well mayb i wasnt tryin hard enough....
11.12.04 (4:19 am)   [edit]

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"full of power and mysterious calm and so vast it almost filled the screen."

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
my black handbag which has my new ID card in it and lots of money..hehe..

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
um...The green mile...beautiful beautiful film,made me cry and LOVE tom hanks (as if i didnt love him enuf already)


4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is:
around 5pm

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
4.58pm


6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
the air conditioner, birds outside and my grandma arguing wit sum woman about how to bake cookies properly.

7. When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
about 5 hours ago to tell my grandma 2 pick up the fone coz my great aunt woz on the fone 4 her.havnt bin out since..jus sat in the cold room studyin..shud smell sum fresh air me thinkth.

8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
Fran's blog and thts whr i got this from

9. What are you wearing?
black pants and a big grey bagy top. jus relized how much weight i actaully have lost..evrythin is baggy on me now.

10. Did you dream last night?
nope.dont think so, cnt rememba one nyway. last dream i had woz a few nights a go and i dreamt of 3 of my friends from here and they were really 3 diffrent mismatchd ppl from diffrent worlds,one of studious,the other woz The gorgous nd the other was my one of my best friends and we wer all plannin 2 start a study group for sum reason...

11: When did you last laugh?
yesterday wen i got told wot The gorgous said about me...i felt happiness frm the inside shall we say....

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
nothin..jus clear blue walls.tis my bro's room tht im invading.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
hmmm...frogs in the middle of uni chatting about monsters..tht woz weeird.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
sumthin 2 do...i hvant done one of these in aggges.

15: What is the last film you saw?
The green mile...i told u!

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
a big house wit palm trees and thn id fly over evry1 iv eva loved in england and they cn come here 4 holidays or weneva they gt bored.o and id get a microwave for the dorms.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know
mmm u pretty much know evrythin bout me.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:
pessimism,hoplessness, negativity..i hate it wen ppl give up or cant see how they can change the world by the little things they do.the glass is always half full...please try and see tht!

19: Do you like to dance?:
i do

20: George Bush:
F***in wa**er bul**sh**r bast**d..i w*sh i cud k*** h*m

21a: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
amal..or emaan or mona or...aaa i dunno

21b: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
abdelrahman i think or khalid.


22: Would you ever consider living abroad?
umm...iam doin.duuuh.

 
These are the days...the time is now...
11.12.04 (3:18 am)   [edit]

had a really shiny night yesterday.it woz so pretty and sweet and i felt...drum roll...happy!
a big group of us met at a park to celebrate our last day of Ramdan together. we all broke our fast and thn we all sat round in a big circle and talked and laughed and enjoyed each other's company.i loved it.

people are really nice here.everyone is so so kind and thoughtful.


The last few days havnt been easy.i felt so out of evrything, so lost and confused.i didnt c the point of doing medicine or being in this country or livin each day.


Then one day i met a guy who i hadnt seen in 3 years..he commented on how iv changed..he said i looked thinner,i looked better with the hijab and that conversations with me had never been this intersting.it made me proud 2 have been through wot i have and to have got to whr iam now.sumtimes u need sum1 2 varify your feelings and i jus needed tht little nudge.
im gona make u all proud of me inshallah.

 
lost
11.05.04 (12:32 am)   [edit]

i dont think im capable of doin this anymore.
why did i ever think it woz worth it? i can barely gt thru each day, evrythin is so hard,evrythin is so difficult.
i miss my family and i miss evrythin that i knew so well.


i jus feel so lost.